Tycoon Women Moments: My moment of self-discovery

Turning over the next card and its moment number 1

Moment of self-discovery

These are moments where you identify your higher purpose or you experience a sudden knowing of who you truly are. Often such moments are associated with spiritual awakening.

My moment of self discovery has to relate to my journey to become an interfaith Minister.

I had been searching for something for a long time and didn't really know what it was I was looking for. I remember going on a training course to discover my life's purpose and coming up with the idea that I was a soul enabler,however, I had no idea what this meant or how I was supposed to do this.

I grew up within the Christian tradition. I remember as a child being dragged (I really mean dragged because once I hit teenage years I didn’t want to spend six hours every Sunday in church) to an all-black evangelistic church. It was full of people who believed that God liked those who paid the most money into the collection. I was not impressed. When the team of Deacons were eventually arrested for fraud it was a shock to everyone except me.

Despite these negative beginnings, I always felt a deep spiritual connection, however, I found myself at odds with much of the Christian teachings. How could there only be one way to know God, that is through Jesus, when two thirds of the world had other paths which they believed in just as strongly; were just as committed to and would argue that they also felt a deep spiritual connection.

As a parent, I found myself wanting to offer my children a spiritual path and so I returned to what was familiar and regularly attended the local Church of England church. I even volunteered to teach Sunday school. I recall regularly changing the message in the sermons. They all seemed to be hung up on the idea of blind obedience or punishment and very little in the way of love and true acceptance of others, which I thought was wrong to impose on young minds.

I longed to leave but I felt like I had nowhere else to go. What brought the matter to a head were 3 events which occurred over a period of two years. With hindsight I can see how they were all leading me to the same conclusion or gently nudging me in the direction that I needed to go.

The first was a dream. I remember that we were on holiday in France at the time. In my dream I was having this heated argument with the Archbishop of Canterbury, or someone very high up in the church and he was asking me to set up a church in my house. Naturally I was having none of it. In my mind I could hear me saying that this was ridiculous and there was no way that I was going to set up a church in my house.

The argument was heated and so vivid it was as if there was somebody else in my head arguing back at me. Anyway it ended when the Archbishop said to me “don't you understand? The only important thing is love. God is not on the outside of you but inside your heart.”

Then suddenly this amazingly brilliant, white light burst out of my chest, through my head my fingertips and the soles of my feet and I was floating in space held by the luminous light. When I woke up I remember feeling very confused but somehow at peace.

The next piece of the puzzle occurred when I was in Tunisia. It was my first visit to a country where the majority of the faith practitioners were Muslims. I remember being amazed by the deep spiritual connection I felt listening to the call to prayer and watching hundreds of people gathering to pray together.

The sense of spirituality was so strong it hung in the air like a heavy fog. I felt really confused: surely these people can't be wrong? How could a loving God witness this much devotion and condemn these people because they weren’t Christians. At the time I didn't have an answer but I knew I could no longer ignore how I felt.

The last thing to happen occurred at the christening of my God son. A good friend of mine, Jackie Holder was leading the proceedings. I recall wondering why my God son’s mother had asked her to lead the ceremony just as she stood up and said "my name is Jackie Holder I'm going to be leading the proceedings and I am an interfaith Minister"

The moment she said the words “Interfaith Minister”, it was like being hit by a bolt of lightning. I suddenly knew that this was what I had to do. I had to do the Interfaith Minister’s course. It was such a deep sense of knowing it felt like a road to Damascus moment. I discovered that the academic year for the new intake of trainee ministers at the seminary was due to start in 10 days time. I knew I had to be on that course and I was.

It was the beginning of a huge turning point in my life. Training as an interfaith Minister and spiritual counsellor freed me from so much of the fear that until then dominated my life. It allowed me to express my spirituality in a way that really suited me and accept everyone’s different spiritual path as different and equally valid. The song I’ve chosen to represent this moment is a song from an album called Sacred Sounds of Santeria: Rhythms of the Orishas.

I recall initially being terrified to embrace the other faiths; particularly ones that were not based on the Bible. I had to overcome the fear and distrust I had been taught about other faiths i.e. not only were they misguided they were also sinning against God. So being able to listen to this Santeria chant and fully accept this spiritual tradition as a way of connecting to the God of my understanding without feeling fear, is a beautiful reminder of what becoming interfaith Minister has given me.

What is your moment of self-discovery and what song would you use to represent it? Please share your thoughts and experiences so others can benefit. I look forward to reading about them.