I love cycling! It has an amazing capacity to provide me with moments of clarity. You know when you suddenly feel that you are seeing thing clearly for the first time. Anyway today my ‘Aha Moment’ was about something I keep hearing repeated in the context of social networking. Know Like Trust. The theory goes that people will only do business with people they know like and trust. So in order to build proactive relationships with your customers and anyone else for that matter, you have first got to get to know them, which will lead them to like you and as a result they will trust you.
I totally agree with the idea of building meaningful relationships, however, I wonder if the order, i.e. Know Like Trust, with Know being the first thing, is the right one.
Wouldn't it be better to start with Like? What if you made a decision to automatically truly like every person that you met? In other words you make a conscious decision to completely accept them just as they are, by seeing the best that they are. If you truly commit to the idea that you are going to like everyone you met, come what may, you send a message to your brain to start filtering for the things that you will like about them and therefore it is far more likely that you will end up really knowing and trusting them.
On the other hand, by starting with Know, you allow you judgments to become your filters. As you gather information, you are more likely to be making judgments about what you are hearing based on your own values and even prejudices. By starting with Know, there is a greater probability of creating barriers to friendship and trust. This is because it is our judgments, our preconceived notions and belief that we are different and separate from other people that prevents us liking and trusting them not a lack of knowledge.
If you don’t believe me give it a go for a week. Decide to like everyone you meet (even people you already know and have decided that you don’t like) and see what difference it makes. At best you will have an amazing experience and make loads of new friends. At worse ... well you’ll just have what you’ve already got. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing will be up to you to decide.
"Wouldn't it be better to start with Like? What if you made a decision to automatically truly like every person that you met? In other words you make a conscious decision to completely accept them just as they are, by seeing the best that they are. If you truly commit to the idea that you are going to like everyone you met, come what may, you send a message to your brain to start filtering for the things that you will like about them and therefore it is far more likely that you will end up really knowing and trusting them."
ReplyDeleteWhat if the person you meet doesn't share your values and principles at all? What if their behaviour or actions run counter to your entire belief system?
Choosing to ignore a person's faults is one thing, but automatically deciding that you will accept everything about them is another. Because if, like you say, you brain will filter only the things it likes (reference for this please) then what you are consciously choosing to do is "tolerate" everyone. "Tolerating" isn't "liking".
There's nothing wrong with tolerance. But when people confuse tolerance with genuine admiration then they end up with dysfunctional, unfulfilled friendships. So in my opinion it's better to get to know someone, decide whether you truly like them and with that comes a trusting fulfilling relationship with someone you know will never violate your fundamental values and principles. It's okay to dislike someone, in fact, I'd argue it's impossible to like everyone.
Hi Sis. Thanks for the comment. In response, first this is not an academic paper hence the lack of references however, there is ample evidence that shows how we filter the information we take in based on our experiences, beliefs and values. I am not suggesting that you tolerate people. Toleration is not the same as acceptance. True acceptance is without judgement. Clearly there are going to be people that you may not be able to have productive relationships with for the reasons you state, however, this does not stop you from liking them and it also doesn't mean that you have to martyr yourself.
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