The art of lying

When I was a child it was common for parents to smack (well actually they were more like beatings) their children. Literature was full of examples of corporal punishment and even the church advocated a sound whipping in order to control "naughty” or” unruly” children. Spare the rod, spoil the child. So naturally it didn't take me long to work out that it was best to avoid getting caught doing wrong. For me it was getting caught that was the issue because I quickly realised that there was a Grand Canyon of difference between what I considered to be "wrong" and what adults did.

My initial strategy was to lie. I used to lie about everything. "Who knocked over the vase?" "Not me" I'd say knowing full well it was me. Unfortunately, lying is an art and there are rules to lying successfully. My problem was that like many children I was unaware of what the rules were.

Basic rule of lying No.1: denying something you are observed doing is stupid beyond imagination. Especially if you deny it to the person who observed you doing it!

Few if any of us have Jedi powers of mind control;"I am not the child who broke the vase" doesn't work so if you are going to lie at least be smart about it.

My lying days were short lived. After a few unsuccessful attempts at lying and getting punished twice; once for the wrongdoing and once for getting caught lying, I decided that I might as well tell the truth and throw myself at the mercy of my parents. "Please I'm sorry; I promise I won't do it again". Then one day I accidentally dropped and broke one of my mum's favourite glasses. It was part of a set which she only took out for visitors and I was putting them away for her because they'd been left on the side. I was mortified. Luckily no one was around to see me so for once lying was a realistic option. My younger brother was the champion glass breaker in the household, so I concluded that my mum would automatically blame him. Moreover, as he was also a serial liar; when he denied it she wouldn't believe him. Finally I had a win-win strategy. The moment of truth (or more accurately, lying) arrived and I was just about to use it when something stopped me. Lying had never worked in the past. So instead of claiming it wasn't me I simply confessed. “Yes it was me - it was an accident I'm sorry”.

To my complete shock and amazement, all my mother said was “thank you for telling the truth, try to be more careful next time”. Wow, I remember being so stunned that I just stood there with my mouth open for a good 2 minutes. The truth had worked. From that day I decided never to lie again and I’ve stuck to it almost 100%. I have to confess that I have on occasion omitted certain facts (so as not to be unkind or cruel) but ever since that day I think I've only ever said something that was completely untrue once.

I mention this because my youngest son is the worst liar on the planet. Not only does he frequently break rule No. 1, he clearly has not mastered any of the other rules either. Such as rule No. 2: even if you are not observed committing the “crime”, leaving a trail of evidence which leads directly to you and then lying about it is even more stupid than breaking rule No. 1

Telling the truth makes life so much easier. You don't have to remember what you say and to whom because it's the truth so all you have to do is tell the truth again. People like and trust you because they know they can rely on what you say. Therefore you have better more open and honest relationships. Having lots of people who like and trust you is great for your self-esteem.

Just in case you aren't convinced and you still see lying as a viable option (clearly my youngest son falls into this category) I thought I'd share the final basic rule of lying with you.

Rule No 3: Karma, natural justice, what goes around comes around. Call it what you will, the universe has a limitless capacity to bring back into balance that which has been put out of balance. Therefore, somewhere down the line, the lie you told will eventually catch up with you and you will have to pay the consequences. Be warned!

What is the most ridiculous lie you've ever been told?

Do you lie your way out of difficult situations or face the music with honesty? Please share your thoughts; I look forward to reading them. a