Truly nice beople

Once a month I don my interfaith ministers hat (metaphorically speaking, I don’t actually wear a hat or any other special clothes) and lead and interfaith spiritual gathering of like-minded souls. I refer to them as Believers Not Belongers, i.e. people who wish to express their spirituality, who feel a deep connection to others and something beyond themselves, but don't feel particularly drawn to any specific spiritual tradition.

My own spirituality is a huge part of my life. It took me many years to identify my beliefs, where and how I fitted in. It was a scary time for me because I found myself rejecting many of the core beliefs of the Christian tradition I grew up in. At first I thought that this meant I had rejected God so I must be a heathen and was destined for eternal damnation and burning in hellfire.

Well actually I didn't really believe this, which is why I had already started moving away from Christianity. I couldn't reconcile the idea that every human being who expresses their spiritual beliefs in a different way from Christianity was wrong, and therefore dammed.

I recall visiting Tunisia and being completely taken aback by the immense devotion and spiritual connection that seemed to hang in the air when the Muslims responded to the call to prayer. I pondered how could so many people be wrong?

Despite the fact that I wasn’t afraid of being struck down for daring to question the tenants of my religion, I was scared I would make myself an outcast, that my friends and family who were staunch Christians would reject me. Some did, others didn't, which was sad, however, I don't regret for one moment exploring my faith and spirituality in a new way.

Since becoming an interfaith Minister I have been at complete peace with the "God” of my understanding. A stark contrast to the days when I watched every move I made just in case I upset God. I think the older you get the more accepting you become. Perhaps this has something to do with recognising the finality of life as the years roll by. Or perhaps it's because the longer you live the more you see and experience the diversity of existence and therefore you realise that there really isn't a template, one size doesn't fit all.

Anyway over the next couple of days I thought I'd give you a taste of my spiritual gathering by serialising one of my “sermons”, which I call Thinking Allowed. I call them Thinking Allowed because I'm thinking aloud and thinking is allowed. That is, you get to question and challenge the ideas because I believe that it is through constantly looking for deeper meaning and questioning our assumptions that we develop and grow spiritually. So here is part one of “Truly nice people”:

Truly Nice People

Do you know a truly nice person? What about them makes you consider them to be nice?

If you were to think of the top 10 nice people in the world (living or dead) who would be on your list and why? I know I’d include Nelson Mandela on my list.
I actually consider myself to be nice. About a year ago, I had cause to reflect on this because I sent out a request for endorsements from my friends and colleagues asking them to say something nice about me for my Linkedin profile. It is good to have a few endorsements/character references on your profile.

Now whilst I hoped that my friends and colleagues would say really nice positive things about me (as you get to approve them, if they didn't I would not have put them up), I was completely taken aback by just how nice and appreciative of me they were. I felt really humbled.

Then it occurred to me that it was no accident that they should think that I am nice. I actually make a conscious effort to be nice to people; by that I mean; I make a conscious effort to ensure that their experience of me is positive. I work at being nice, not because it doesn’t come easy to me, but because I believe that we have a choice about how we show up in the world and how we choose to respond to each situation. I focus my attention on being nice and my intention is to be nice, to bring peace and joy. Consequently, if what I am about to do doesn’t support this I can, in that moment, choose to do something different.

For me being nice is important because I truly believe that people matter. I mean that they REALLY do matter. I’ve noticed that whenever anyone comes up with a way of looking at the world that goes against, the prevailing ethos that dominates human relationships today (I.e. kill or be killed, survival of the fittest, looking out for your own interests at the expense of everyone else), what tends to happen is that it is put into terms which demonstrate that there is a financial gain to doing it. So now we hear that being nice is good for business.

Co-authors Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval who wrote a book called THE POWER OF NICE have had an huge impact on the business world in America because they can demonstrate how being nice in business is good for the bottom line. Now don’t get me wrong I’m all for whatever motivates people to show up nicer, however, implicit in this way of looking at things is the assumption that if you can’t demonstrate that it improves profitability it is not valuable in itself.

A so rather than being nice because it's profitable, be nice because people matter and it is important for them to experience you positively. Be nice because the world is a reflection of how you are in it.
To be continued...