More than just a game

I'm fascinated by the complete obsession my children have with computer games during the school holidays.  We have a number of game consoles and they have a selection of handheld players too.  Normally they will play these once in a while or have the odd day marathon, but on the whole they appear to have a love- it or leave- it relationship with computer games.  

Not so during the school holidays!  It's as if all the self-imposed abstinence is suddenly compressed into a deep obsession and the only thing they can do is sit in front of the TV, Game Boy or PC playing games all day every day. Sunlight and outside are to them like salt and gravel are to slugs. You’d think there had been a global extinction event and they had been forced to live deep below the earth, too afraid of the toxic atmosphere to venture beyond the walls of the house.

If they aren’t playing the games they are downloading cheats (cheats are codes that give you extra abilities or override the games functions – yes, apparently is accepted that in order to complete the game successfully you have to cheat!); Walk-Through Guides (these are like cheats in that they help you complete the game, but instead of changing the code, they are move by move instructions on how to defeat the bosses – i.e. the ultimate challenge at the end of each level); or talking to their friends on social media about their latest escapades and game achievements.  My sons’ favourite games are strategy games with fantasy characters on a quest.  They don't appear to be that interested in racing games and the beat ‘em ups. 

Apart from the lack of sunlight, the main problem is that my youngest son is either not that good at these games as yet, or lacks the emotional maturity to understand that it is only a GAME! 

A typical scene in my house goes like this:

Sudden crying and shouting and noise of upset/pain coming for his direction.

Me: shock panic, there is a major emergency requiring mummy assistance – running with mobile phone, speed dialling the hospital, in his direction.

Me:"What's happened are you hurt"

Youngest son crying hysterically:"I died, it cheated, I died.  I was at the last boss and I died"

Me: "who died?  – are you all right?"

Other son: "he's talking about the game mum"

Me:"what game?  What?"

Youngest son still crying and shouting: "I was on the last boss and it froze. This game is rubbish"

Me: "Err sorry, all this noise was because you "died" in the game?"

After a few replays of this I got the picture.  I still go just in case it turns out to be one of those "cry wolf" moments that every parent dread, but so far, touch wood, it's always been the result of "dying unfairly" in the game he's playing.

At first, my response was to tell him not to be so "silly it's only a game just do it again".  However this never worked, he'd cry and be upset for hours.  My husband’s approach was a lot less compassionate.  Or rather I should say, complete intolerance! As far as my husband is concerned if you aren't mature enough to play the game without the tantrums you can't have it.  So he’d add insult to injury by confiscating the game.  This didn't work either.

 

After a while I realise that despite how "silly" and unimportant I felt losing a game on a console that was free to play (back in the day you had to pay money to play computer games and losing may have been slightly more traumatic); for my son it was devastating.  Hurt is hurt, the magnitude is immaterial and actually what was required was understanding and encouragement. 

Now when I hear the yelling and screaming that indicates that he has “died unfairly”, I call my son to me and give him a big hug while he cries.  Then when he has calm down a bit we talk about what his options are: Can he play it again? Can he enlist the help of his brother – an expert gamer? What else?  Slowly he has become better at moving forward.  He still cries loudly, but he will go back and try again, work out something different and eventually succeed.

Yesterday there was another game trauma event.  When it was over my son came to me and I asked him what he had learnt. He said: crying and breaking things doesn't help, cheating is wrong (apparently the problem was caused by the cheat codes) and never give up, there's always a solution.  I think my work is done (for now!).  

image: Joy Stick by digitalart