How spiders can make you more awesome

Day 33: Last year I had all these plans for my 50th birthday.  My 50th year was going to be a year of celebrations and I was going to do lots of amazing things I've never done before.  However with only 18 days to go, I realise I've not really done anything memorable at all.  So now I’ve got 18 days to do lots of memorable things or things I would not normally do.  I guess this isn’t too bad, as that works out roughly just over one per month and I think one per month would have been a good average.  I’ll just have to squash them all into the final 18 days.  (Yes this is my 50th year, after my birthday it will be my 51st year, just in case you were wondering).

Today seems like a bit of a write-off as I only got a couple hours left.  However whilst this rules out things like skydiving, potholing, abseiling, or any other activity that involves height and speed singularly or combined (which is brilliant since I have a particular aversion to both). I reckon it if I could persuade myself to jump from a plane, I would become an awesome God of immense power.  Like the scene in Lord of the rings when Kate Blanchet has a taste of the power of the ring and goes all eerie and scary.  I've heard it said that if you can conquer your biggest fear you get a feeling of invincibility, it's like you can achieve anything.  So given that I'm already pretty awesome (it's true, ask anyone) the universe probably decided that if I was to get even more awesomeness,  I'd become a world dictator and as the world doesn't need any more dictators, it decided not to give me the courage to jump out of a plane (that's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

 

If jumping from a great height is top of my list of deepest fears, it would be closely followed by my fear of spiders.  I wasn’t always afraid of spiders.  I can actually remember picking up spiders when I was a little girl.  However, one day I decided I didn't like them.  I think it's their legs; they are long and spidery and have this funny motion when they're scurrying towards you, errrr.  This dislike sort of washed over me like a wave without explanation and after that I absolutely hated them.  

Over the years I have got somewhat better.  I realised I was transferring my fear to my children.  Unfortunately it was too late for my oldest daughter and she inherited a double dose of my fear of spiders, so much so, I would say she's verging on a phobia.  On several occasions she has called me at work to explain that she is not able to do something that is very urgent and important because there is a spider in the way. 

 

Once, the urgent and important thing was going into the basement to turn off the water using the stopcock, because the shower had sprung a leak and was squirting water all over the bathroom. Apparently she was afraid that there "might" be spiders down there.  I was forced to call my husband and ask him to travel from his place of work in central London to our home in south-east London just to turn off the water, as I was in the middle of an important meeting and was unable to leave. 

 

Another time she called me to tell me that she could not use the bathroom and therefore, was unable to get washed and dressed, which was a problem as she had a GCSE maths exam, because there was a spider in the bath.  I'm not really sure how she resolved that one.  I do know she did attend her exam (and passed with flying colours) as I hung up the phone once I realised that it wasn't the life-and-death matter she claimed, when she called me out of yet another important meeting.

After this I decided enough was enough and that we should all undergo aversion therapy.  Consequently, I purchased a giant (and I mean giant, it's about 3 feet across) tarantula, complete with articulation, from one of those shops that sell pointless gizmos like indoor helicopters and slot machines.  Doody, which is what we named it, has pride of place in the fireplace in our living room.  Several of my children's friends have since refused to come to our house and others will not enter unless we hide it.  It has sort of worked.  Both my daughter and I can now be the same room as spiders, (without screaming and standing on a chair or the sofa) , whilst my husband, who won't pick them up in his hands, but will eliminate them using a cup and a piece of card, shows the squatting arachnid the door.

Obviously, I'm not able to do this.  I'm forced to vacuum them up or chuck things at them from a distance if my husband isn't around.  So the first 50th birthday challenge on my list will be to capture a spider in a cup.  I think this would be a pretty amazing achievement in the next 18 days.  No seriously; actually picking up a spider in my hands is a nonstarter, so don't even suggest it!

I'm not a complete baby when it comes to insects (I do know spiders are not insects they're arachnid but I am talking about insects) I am the only one in my household able to pick up the locus which we feed my son's pet bearded dragon (for those who don't know it's a lizard and will only eat live food).  Somehow the locus aren't as yucky as spiders, even though they have a similar thing going on with their legs.

So my challenge is to collect a spider in a cup and walk at least 2 feet with it.  To prove it I will take a picture of me and the spider in the cup and post it on Facebook and Twitter, so look out for it.  If I can't find a spider in the house, I'll go and capture one of the garden spiders, which seem to have taken over all the bushes at the moment. 

Actually, on second thoughts, I think capturing a spider will give me the same feeling of awesomeness as jumping out of a plane... so perhaps, for the sake of the world; I'd better not do it.  

PS

I had a change of heart and I've just spent 10 minutes in the garden trying to catch a spider. Apart from the failing light, the other problem is, it's a lot trickier than one thinks to catch a spider, especially if you don't want to get too close to it.  Well at least I've made a start. I will try again tomorrow.