One thing my parents got right...

Day 8: Reflecting on the last 50 years of my life, (or should I say more accurately the last 49 years and 323 days) I realise that one of the things that has been a driving force in my life is the quest for excellence.  A frequent saying of both my parents was to aim high because if you aim for the stars and miss you will land on the moon.  Not a day went by when my parents didn't drill into me the importance of being the best you can be and being better than the rest. 

Back in the 60s, before the Race Equalities Act, before it was politically incorrect to discriminate against people because of their skin colour, my parents were under no illusion of how difficult it would be for me to excel, being black and female.  I can remember being told that in order for me to be considered to be half as good as the least capable person who was of English Heritage, I would have to be better than their best!

Having set up a challenge worthy of a mythological Greek hero, my parents impressed upon me that I could do, be, or have anything I wanted in life so long as I was prepared to work hard for it and believe in my ability to achieve it.  They believed that nothing short of 100% or even 110% effort was ever good enough and like Muhammad Ali, I was the greatest.  Not that I could be the greatest, but that I was the greatest and I deserved the best of everything because I was the best of everything.

Despite this strong foundation, I have not breezed through life finding everything easy and never doubting myself.  Indeed two odd side-effects of my “unshakeable” belief that I am the best has been my self-reliance, i.e. the tendency for me to do it all by myself (because nobody will be able to do it as well as I can); and the need to seek/obtain 100% approval.  Yes I know it's ridiculous! Given that there are 6.5 billion people on the planet and we are all unique with our own perspective, how difficult would it be to get everyone (and I mean everyone) to approve of what you do. 

Fortunately I came to realise that there always will be loads and loads (and loads) of people who are not going to see your point of view, or will not appreciate how you do things. Without a strong foundation you are much more likely to end up taking it personally! It’s never personal.  Even though it seems like “they” are queuing up to ridicule you, judge you, and put you down, in order to make you feel like rubbish. My experience has taught me that it really isn't the case.  It's more likely that rather than trying to make you feel like rubbish, they are trying to make themselves feel good!

I'm so grateful to my parents for believing in me and seeing my potential from day one. Yet even more than that, I am grateful to them for communicating this to me.  I am sure that the majority of parents believe that their children are the greatest and are destined to achieve, however, how many fail to communicate this clearly to their offspring. Building a strong foundation of self belief is so important because there are so many things in life that will chip away at it, hammer it down and even take TNT and blast your confidence into smithereens.

I have made a conscious effort to repeat this process with my children. I hope that I have given them the same strong foundation and self belief my parents gave me. 

Is there something that you particularly admire your parents for? Or did they get it all wrong? Please share your thoughts I'd love to read about them.

image: African Children by africa