The womanhood conspiracy

I always love a good conspiracy theory. There is something very appealing about the idea of uncovering the “real dynamics” in operation. To be able to go beyond the obvious explanation of why things are the way they are. We conspiracy theorist know that nothing happens without reason. There is always a driving force behind the headlines and somewhere, somehow, someone is making money out of it.

Fantasy or fact? Conspiracy theories are designed to bring back control to a situation where you feel you have none or it has been deliberately taken away from you.

Naturally I have my own conspiracy theory about womanhood. Society (and that includes older women) conspires to keep women in the dark about certain issues. Just why this is, I don't know. Perhaps our predecessors felt that if younger women knew the full story, they would be so distraught and so upset about what was in store for them, they simply wouldn't play ball. They’d all opt for gender reassignment (I suppose that wasn’t on the cards originally, but I'm sure that there was some sort of equivalent).

So here’s what I have discovered that no one really tells you; in no particular order:

First that you never actually get over acne! It's a myth that spot are the preserve of the young and you only have to hold out until you are in your 20s and the dreaded pimples will cease to be a feature of life, your face, your back, your chest, your shoulders... That’s other thing they don't tell you about it. Spots aren't just on your face!

I have been waiting to grow out of acne for decades now and I’m still spotty. Pregnancy, childbirth, ageing – nothing has made any difference whatsoever. I’ve always got at least 2 – 3 somewhere on my anatomy. Sometimes I look in the mirror and there are no spots on my face and I think "at last I have finally "grown out” of my acne, hurray!” Only to discover, on closer examination, I have a couple nesting in my cleavage or a few behind my ears.

The other big conspiracy is that any treatment for spots actually works. The effects are all temporary as far as I'm concerned and as I said earlier; if the creams, lotions, toners etc clear them off your face; your body redistributes them elsewhere anyway!

As I near 50, I've now resigned myself to the idea of using Consealer for evermore. I've given in. Its true ageing does bring acceptance.

The next conspiracy I've been a victim of, is that childbirth gets easier the more times you do it. Er... I don't think so! Unless they actually mean: by the time you've done it once all high moral standpoints you may have held about wanting a natural birth, free from pain medication, get kicked into touch by the reality of labour. Therefore, the second time around you said "epidural" before the end of the first contraction.

- How about, you get over period pains! Maybe, maybe not and even if you do they more often than not re-establish their dominion over your life later on.

- There's no such thing as middle age spread – need I say anymore about that one!

- Older women have bigger libidos. Now that one is definitely a male conspiracy designed to make you feel guilty and therefore, keep you interested in sex. Why? So older men can rely on us as a fallback, when they finally realise the truth: women in their 20s rarely fancy men over 40 who don't have bank balances to compensate for their lack of youthfulness!

I haven't noticed my libido rising in line with my advancing years. If anything, it has been diminished by the pressure of having to be super human. Mummy, breadwinner, counsellor, DIY expert, Mummypedia (i.e. the font of all knowledge about lost possessions, last-minute solutions to miss deadlines, etc, etc).

And finally, you have to be a ruthless, selfish, egotistic and like a “man” to get ahead in the corporate world or in business. To be fair I have to give them 1 out of a possible 2 for that one. In the past yes, but now all that is changing.

Today the businesses that are thriving are the ones that recognise that business is built on developing a solid, authentic relationships with their customers based on the ethos of know, like, trust.

Gone are the days when you can just broadcast your message to your customers in the hope that they will be motivated to go out and purchase what you offer.

Today's customer has access to a global network of other users. They can easily ask for a genuine opinion about any good or service from the customer's point of view, using social media platforms such as twitter, Facebook, Four Squares and Youtube. So today’s prized business skills are about relationships and this calls for you to be more like a woman, i.e. supportive, engaging, nurturing.

So now you know. Watch out for the conspiracies. They are all around!

What’s your favourite conspiracy theory? Please share any thoughts or feedback in the comments below. Thanks you.


image: Woman listening by Ambro