The philosophy of "how can I help"

I've always found it difficult to ask for help.  Partly because I'm fiercely independent, highly critical and (dare I say), sometimes quite judgemental and unappreciative (only sometimes and I like to think that's not many – my family might have something to say about this).  

The other reason is because I don't like to be turned down.  Yes I know the thing about “it’s the request that's being rejected not you”, but knowing the theory doesn’t take away the experience. I don't like my requests being rejected, so I’m generally reluctant to ask. 

When I was little, one thing that was completely integrated into my being was the principle of doing unto others as you would expect them to do unto you.  This didn't just come from forced attendance at Sunday school; it was reinforced by the stories of Pollyanna and Ann of Green Gables, which were regularly serialised by the BBC.  These two young heroines were my idols, I loved the life they lived and the adventures/antics they got up to.  

Both my heroines were kind and helpful and put adults to shame with their open hearts and ability to completely accept others, no matter what their standing in the community. (Their adventures always included some forgotten, unpopular recluse, who the girls would befriend, show the error of their “mean ways” and the importance of helping and being generous).  

Aspiring to be like my heroines, my motto became kindness for kindness sake.  Hence whenever anybody asks me to do something for them, whether or not I do is determined by two things.  First whether I'm actually capable of fulfilling their requests, i.e. do I have or can I reasonable acquire the skills and knowledge required to do it.  Second am I available to do it within the time required, given my current circumstances.  My starting point is: “how can I say yes ?” Then I go from there.  

Before you go thinking that I need assertiveness training, this doesn't mean that I respond to every request positively and I'm constantly doing things for other people to my own detriment.  I'm quite happy to say no, if no is the only answer I can give. (That faint sound you can hear in the back ground is my family yelling, “Yeh she definitely knows how to say NO!”) However, I don't let something like a little inconvenient or there being nothing in it for me to determine whether or not I am able to help.

Most of the time helping is easy, and even when it's slightly inconvenient (or even highly inconvenient) I still stick with my philosophy because, actually it is nice to help.

Since starting in business I’ve found it even more difficult to ask for help in an environment where a significant number of people keep asking “what's in it for me?”  

N O T H I N G. 

Wow, just imagine the answer is nothing. There is nothing in it for you at all.  Well at least nothing tangible, nothing immediate.  So why should you help?  Because you can! 

How different would our experience of life be if everyone started with the premise that they were always going to say yes to any request for help, unless they absolutely couldn’t find any way whatsoever to assist? 

Indeed, you don't even have to go to this extreme.  You could just set a daily target, for the number of times you would say yes to request for help, when there is nothing in it for you.  Why not start with 3?  Each day, be on the lookout for three things that you would ordinarily say no to and say yes instead.  Three things where there is no immediate benefit for you at all. 

Say yes because you can and do it with a huge smile on your face and kindness in your heart.  There's no point in saying yes, if in your heart you mean no. Minor reservations or mild reluctance are okay, but deep down you have to be completely willing to give yourself wholly.  The mindset becomes: I'm saying yes because I can and I truly desire to help.  

So how can you say yes, as opposed to what's in it for me?  There is nothing in it for you, so stop looking!  

Say yes out of compassion, openness, love, peace or whatever higher value you choose to assign to it and then embrace the warm glow emanating from within your heart.  Now allow it to radiate outwards to the rest of the world.

How do you respond to requests for help?  What principles do you use to determine whether or not you say yes in business?  Please share your views.